This is the Place Where I Love You
by cardiothoracicwhore
Summary: Cristina and Owen are leading different lives, each wondering where they'll end up. Can their marriage be saved, do they even want it to be?
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This story came to me in a dream, literally. I fell asleep today, and this was my dream. Also, I left the end kind of open ended where it could be a one-shot, or continue on as a longer story. Tell me what you think.

Owen Hunt rubbed his eyes tiredly, as he continued to weed through monthly budget reports. It seemed as though nothing was going right anymore, which was partially his fault. His problems at work had no one to blame, just the price of being the chief of one of the country's finest hospitals. However the tension filled nights he spent at home, fell directly on his shoulders.

If he could've taken back the adultery, he would in a second. No matter how infuriating their relationship had been for the last few months, Cristina was the best thing in his life. He'd made a terrible mistake that he was paying the ultimate price for. Before his confession, Cristina had seemed desperate to fix things. And regardless of how angry he was at her, Cristina's determination to mend their relationship brought him warmth and hope. Her fiery passion reminded him why they were married, and how much he loved her.

Now, she seemed lifeless, and drained of all hope. She'd either ask over and over about the affair, similar to Teddy's relentless questioning pertaining to Henry's death, or remain fairly silent. She'd try at small talk, and then excuse herself to the bathroom before quickly going to bed. Gone were the attempts to talk through issues, or mentions of returning to therapy. She was constantly with Meredith and Zola, most times spending the night with them. He could feel her slowly slipping away, taking his heart and strength with her. Now she was flying around the country, visiting different hospitals interested in her. As her Chief of Surgery, he'd received dozens of calls from prestigious hospitals, desperate for her records so they could discuss hiring her with their Chief of Staffs.

Owen couldn't tell her not to go, not after he'd cheated on her. It wasn't fair of him to stand in her way, after he'd completely shattered her. He too was angry, and it seemed as though there was too much anger to salvage any kind of relationship. They both seemed to stand idly by as their heart got ripped apart, neither knowing if, or how to un-break their marriage.

"Hunt," Derek knocked on the conference room door. Owen lifted his head slightly, and nodded his eyes lifeless. Noticing Owen's lack of a response, Derek sat down in a chair, and lifted his feel nonchalantly onto the table. "Classy Dr. Shepherd," Owen grumbled, shooting a small smile in the neurosurgeon's direction. "You look exhausted Hunt," he commented, hoping to some answers. Cristina had spent most nights with Meredith and Zola while he worked away on completing their home. Most nights, he was forced to sleep on the couch because Cristina was fast asleep next to his wife. Usually he'd complain, but he knew how Cristina felt, being cheated on by the one person you were supposed to wholly trust.

However, he'd also been where Hunt is, completely and utterly horrified by their actions of adultery, hoping for some solution and restitution from one horrible, irreversible mistake. He knew both Cristina and Owen enough to know they both wanted their marriage to work out, and Hunt needed somebody. "Hey come on over tonight, let's grill some food and I'll show you the final work-up of the house in the woods," Derek invited Hunt, hoping that they'd have some time to discuss one half of the twisted sisters.

Owen considered declining, but instead said, "Alright, let's head out now. I can't look at another one of these damn reports." Cristina was flying back from New York tonight, so she wouldn't be home until late. He grabbed his lab coat, and gathered up his reports. "I'm going to pick up Zola from daycare; I'll see you over at my house, alright?" Shepherd called over her shoulder. Hunt nodded, and then made his way to the attending's lounge to change for the night.

Zola sat playing with blocks on the kitchen floor as Owen and Derek examined the blue prints for the house in the woods. "This has been a long time coming," Derek explained, pointing out his favorite features of his slowly growing dream house. "I can see that," Owen chuckled, taking another swig of beer. The grill was heating up outside, and the two men discussed every inch of the floor plans, both tiptoeing around the subject of Cristina. Derek had finally worked up the nerve to mention her, when the front door opened causing Zola to get up and make a beeline for the visitor.

"It's probably just Karev or someone, Owen can you go grab her? It's time to feed her dinner anyway. Owen nodded, and chased after the toddling Zola, hoping to catch her before she made it out the front door. "Mama, Cristina," the little girl gurgled, causing Owen's heart to drop. He look up, and was staring at Cristina holding Zola on her hip, and Meredith giving her kisses on her cheeks. Derek followed Owen out of the kitchen when he heard it was Meredith at the door.

"Derek," she smiled, and gave him a quick kiss. "Owen," she addressed him coldly, anger evident in her eyes. Cristina's eyes were downcast; she hadn't looked at him since she'd entered the house. He could tell she felt betrayed, that he'd infiltrated the only safe haven she had anymore. "Owen and I were grilling out, discussing the new house. I though your plane was getting in later," Derek explained, smoothing Meredith's hair. "Yeah, well plans change," Cristina quipped, the first words she'd said.

Meredith was pissed; it was all over her face. She obviously didn't like Owen being her either, making Cristina uncomfortable. "It's raining, so I guess grilling isn't an option anymore. I suppose I could order a pizza," Meredith suggested, Cristina continued her silence. "How about we just go out for some dinner, Zola loves eating at restaurants," Derek decided, Owen nodded.

"You know, I think Cristina and I will just hang out here, order some Chinese maybe? Have fun little girl," she kissed Zola's nose. "I'll help you get her into the car," Meredith scooped Zola out of Cristina's arms, much to the little girl's dismay. "Cristina," she whined, squirming and reaching back at her godmother. "No baby girl, Cristina isn't going, say bye-bye," Meredith tried to calm her down as they walked out to the car together. Cristina made her way to the couch, and began rummaging around in her purse for her phone. "Shit," she cursed as she realized she'd left it in her car. The house was empty, and Cristina figured she could just run out and grab it without causing a commotion with her friends outside.

Owen patted his jacket pockets, realizing that in the rush he'd left his wallet sitting on the counter. Meredith and Derek were standing outside the car, putting Zola in her car seat and talking in harsh, hushed tones. Owen knew that Meredith was yelling at Derek for inviting him over. Owen opened his door, and ran up to the house. Cristina threw on her coat, and made her way out the door when she ran into someone. "Ow," she mumbled, ready to joke around with who she thought was Meredith. Tears came to her eyes as she realized it was Owen.

Owen rushed to lean down in front of Cristina. "Are you alright?" he asked her, one hand entangled in her hair, and other resting on her shoulder, a concerned look clear on his face. Shrugging away from his contact, Cristina nodded. Gingerly helping her up, Owen apologized then turned to leave. It was the strangled sound of Cristina's sobs that caused him to turn around.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked, afraid he'd caused her some kind of physical damage. Cristina looked up at him, as tears ran down her face. She opened her mouth to say something, but collapsed against his chest and began to sob. Her tiny body shook violently, and Owen protectively wrapped his arms around her. "Shhh," he murmured softly, stroking her hair.

Gasping for air, Cristina finally found the words to speak. "I'm just so angry at you, but at the same time I want nothing more but to be with you. I visit each of the amazing hospitals and listen to all they want to offer me, and all I can think is that they can't give me you. That you wouldn't be there," she wiped a tear that had escaped down her cheek.

"Owen, I want those forty years you promised. I want to be with you, because I love you. And I know you're angry and I'm angry but what's there left to do but love each other? Is there a way to save us? If there is I want to know," she said softly.

Owen was stunned, and for a long time all her could do was cradle Cristina to his chest, kiss her hair softly, and rock her back and forth. Was there anything that could save them now? She was right that they'd gone through every emotion, and all that is left is love. "I want to fix us too, I want those forty years I promised," he whispered to her.

"I know that we have so much stacking up against us, more than just babies and cheating. I know that sometimes it hurts to love each other, but as long as we still love each other, we deserve to fight for what we have. Owen, I want to be able to say I fought until the day you decided you didn't love me anymore. I want to say that we did everything we could," tears began streaming down Cristina's face again.

"I want you to fight too Cristina, I want to fight together," he said softly into her ear. And with that, Owen led her to the stairs and gingerly pulled her into his lap. As the rain softly fell outside, Owen held Cristina tightly in his arms as she slowly fell apart, and put herself together. Tonight he could just hold her, and kiss away her tears. Tomorrow they would begin their uphill battle, but tonight was just for her.


	2. Chapter 2

Cristina woke to Owen's soft breathing, his close proximity making to possible for her to feel it on her neck. Rubber her eyes tiredly, her brain attempted to sort out the puzzle that was last night's events. She felt a slight bump on the right side of her forehead, which she remembered had been caused by a collision with Owen.

Ah, that collision had caused much more than the elevated reminder on her forehead. Cristina slowly began remembering what had happened last night, the crying and the hushed promises to fight. Now that she was no longer wrapped tightly in Owen's embrace, the burning anger she'd felt had returned full force.

She was just so angry, so angry that she'd put her trust in someone who'd betrayed her. She was devastated that she'd torn down her walls and built a life with someone who didn't even want that life anymore. Owen promised that he'd never leave her, but wasn't it better to be alone that to think someone loved you, when they obviously didn't anymore.

The sinking feeling of defeat was lodged deep in the pit of Cristina's stomach. Even if she and Owen could forgive each other for the infidelity and the abortion, they still had so many more issues to figure out. Owen couldn't imagine life without children; Cristina couldn't imagine a life with them. Owen wanted a marriage, and Cristina wanted to give one to him, without losing herself.

Her close proximity to Owen was becoming glaringly obvious, causing Cristina's breath to catch in her throat. When he slept, Owen looked like the man Cristina had married, the man she loved. It wasn't until he'd open his eyes, that Cristina would see the loss in them, reminding her of what her marriage had become.

A feeling of discomfort spreading throughout her body, Cristina slowly got out of bed hoping not to wake Owen. She was torn, whether to remain at home, or seek solace at Meredith's where she'd spent the majority of the last month. As she watched Owen instinctively reach for her pillow, and bring it close to his chest, she decided against the later.

They deserved a chance to talk, something she'd denied him since she'd found out. The thought hurt her, the idea that today could be the end of their marriage. That today they could call it quits, the finally cut the final tether keeping them hanging together. Cristina made her way around the kitchen, deciding she'd need as much caffeine as she could ingest to remain calm during the last few hours of her marriage.

Owen awoke to the sight of an empty bed, causing his heart to plummet. After he'd held a sobbing Cristina in his arms for hours, she'd finally been calm enough to pick up and drive home. Exhausted she'd fallen asleep on the car ride back home, and Owen willingly held her close to his chest and ascended the stairs to their home. He'd laid her down onto the bed, and slid her shoes from her feet. He'd slowly unbuttoned her coat, and kissed her hair as he tucked the blanket around her. As he stood to sleep on the couch, Cristina sought out Owen's hand and grabbed to it tightly. "Please, don't leave me," she'd whispered, so softly it was almost inaudible.

Owen nodded, and kissed her forehead once more, before letting her hand go. Undressing as quickly as possible, he slid in silently behind her, leaning over to kiss her cheek. Cristina shifted, so she was sleeping against Owen's chest, her arms reaching for his. The two fell asleep soundly, entangled in each other's arms.

The empty bed left Owen thinking the worst that Cristina had awoken, realizing what she'd said the night before and bolted. It wasn't until Owen noticed the brewing coffee and the familiar sound of the shower did he realize that Cristina had stayed. Owen sat up quickly, and began making him and his wife a delicious meal. He knew that today was it, that today determined the rest of their future. Cristina had fellowships to accept, and she was tired. They'd pushed each other to their limits, and it was time to figure everything out.

Cristina could hear Owen rummaging around in the kitchen, causing sweat to bead on her neck. Dressing slowly, Cristina emerged from the bathroom, her hair falling in her face. "Morning," she greeted Owen softly, taking a seat on the couch. She tucked her feet underneath her, and wrapped a blanket around her shoulder. Her mind was clouded with emotion, but she just wanted to attempt to have a normal breakfast with Owen, it could be their last.

Sensing the calm before the storm, Owen tried his best to be light-hearted as he carried the two plates of eggs and pitcher of orange juice over to the coffee table, and took a seat next to Cristina. "Looks good," she commented, before picking up her fork in silence and chewing slowly. He nodded, and smiled slightly. "Much better than the one's I made with my left hand," she joked, obviously trying to ease the tension. Owen smiled sadly, remembering the times where he and Cristina were happy. "Much better," he agreed.

Owen observed as Cristina slowly ate her breakfast, taking small bites. Her hair hung in front of her face, and cascaded down her back. She looked tired, and skinnier but nonetheless beautiful. "Cristina," he finally whispered, causing her to look up. "I think you're beautiful," he told her breathlessly, trying to keep himself from tearing up.

Tears welled in her eyes as she remembered the day he'd told her that exact same thing, almost four years ago. Looking away, she brushed the tears from her eyes, "Dammit Owen," she growled through clenched teeth.

Owen reached for Cristina hand, willingly her to look at him. Pushing off the couch, Cristina began to pace, her fingers roughly raking through her hair. "Talk to me Cristina, I'm here. Tell me what you're thinking," Owen pleaded, watching his wife move back and forth throughout the living room.

"You say these things, and they remind me that I still fucking love you, that's what Owen," she spat, her eyes filled with anger.

Owen started at her stunned. She'd just admitted that she still loved him, but her tone eluded that it wasn't something she was happy about. "Do you know how it feels to be in love with someone, who doesn't love you anymore? It's pathetic," she glared at him, sitting down in the chair across from him.

"Is that what you think, that I don't love you anymore?" Owen whispered, sadness overwhelming him. "What I did was awful, and unfair, and the biggest mistake I have and will ever make. My actions betrayed your trust, but I'm telling you that I'm still so much in love with you. Cristina, nothing could keep me from loving you," he told her, leaning over to push her hair out of her eyes.

Cristina pushed his hand away, and violently swiped tears from her eyes. "Tell me then, how you could love me so much that you'd ignore me for weeks. How you could scream at me, how you could sleep with someone else," she yelled, tears slipping from her eyes once again. "For months you acted like you didn't care, like you've just been waiting until the day that I gave up. Now suddenly that you've made a mistake you're willing to talk to me, to fight for us," she cried, her shoulder shaking.

Owen breathed deeply, hoping it would calm him down. "Cristina, I can never apologize enough for being unfaithful to you, and I will spend the rest of my life feeling guilty about it. I am sorry for how I treated you, I was angry and confused. My life had been turned upside down, and the one person I would look to for comfort was the one causing my pain," his voice cracked. "I'm here, and I knew it took me long enough, but I'm here. I'm ready to fight for you, fight for us," he promised her.

Cristina stared at the floor, willing away the tears. "I can't trust you Owen. You're saying these things and I want to believe you. I want to believe that you love me and only me," Cristina stated. "I wish I you saying sorry were enough, but I never thought you'd do this to me, but you did. Now, I don't know where we are, I don't know what I believe in anymore. I know that I love you, but I don't know if it's enough," Cristina began crying into her hands.

Owen's heart ached; as he watched Cristina's shoulders shake. Silently, he stood up and pulled her into his arms. Although she resisted at first, she succumbed and cried silently into his chest as the two sat down on the couch.

"I know I have to earn back your trust, that's okay. If you're mad be mad, if you don't trust me let me help you trust me again," he whispered into her ear. "Cristina, I could never love another woman. What I did was unforgiveable, but you have to know that you're it for me. I can't be happy without you, and what I did was inexcusable, but didn't mean anything to me," tears streamed down his face as he kissed her neck.

Cristina squeezed his hand tightly before speaking, "I meant what I said, I want to fight for us. I'm willing to try to rebuild our marriage. We have to be patient with each other, and trust that we're still committed. Some days I can't even look at you, and other days all I want to do is let you love me. Please just believe me when I say that I will try my best to trust you again," she asked, her voice quivering.

Owen crushed her lightly against his chest, and rocked her slowly. They'd agreed to fight, to try to save their marriage. After what seemed like hours of silence, Cristina spoke again, her voice quiet. "Sometimes I don't understand why we want to save our marriage in the first place," she sighed.

Owen's heart stopped, confusion clouding his mind. "I hate making you give up your dream of having kids, and some days I think that you're going to leave me because you want kids more than me," she spoke sadly. "Owen, I love you so much that I've spent nights convincing myself that I could want a baby, so you could be a father and we could be in love again. It's not fair to either of us, and I'm so sorry Owen. I can't fight for this marriage, knowing that you're going to leave me, or hate me. I love you, and I want you to be happy," she told him.

"Can you be happy with just me, or should we finally say goodbye?"


End file.
